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In Loving Memory

 

 

                                  

                                  

April 1976

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These Pages are dedicated to a very special & musically talented  lady, Lynne James (Nee) Israel, the most beautiful lady in the world.

Lynne was taken by cancer on the 29th August 2012.

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 A Life that Never Was.

 

These are a collection of  poems and Memories for a lady I will Never forget

 

 

In 1976, I was 18, and Living in Argoed, a small village in South Wales, Around 3 miles from the town of Blackwood.

 

I still remember that day back in 1976, Itwas Wednesday April 14th. It was a warm summer day at 12.35 pm. As usual I had headed for the record shop at the other end of town in my lunch break, "Listen Records & Tapes" it was called, little did I Know at that time how drastically the events of the next few minuets would impact on the rest of my life. Some people will tell you that there is no such thing as 'Love at First Sight', well I can tell you without a doubt they are wrong.

 

You walked into that shop and your personality overflowed; your eyes, smile, and your voice were charismatic. From that very moment my life changed. I even remember why you came into the shop, it was to buy some strings for you acoustic guitar, well it was just the bottom 'E' string you wanted. However, they did not sell them in the shop.

 

We talked for a short while, and I told you they might have guitar strings in the music shop at the other end of town, You didn't know where it was, so I offered to take you there, as it wasn't far from where I was working. We dropped into "Dorothy's" cafe and had a coffee together, and in that short time you told me so much.

 

Some may believe there are spells or magic potions that can make love blossom, but you managed that without any magical or mythical powers or potions, just your smile, soft voice and warm eyes.

 

We did meet a few more times over the following weeks.

 

My Eyes, My voice, the very way I was lost for words when in your company may have spoke volumes, but that was not enough, if only I had told you everything that was on my mind, my true feelings and how much I wanted to be with you.

 But I didn't.

From everything that you told me, I knew that what you were about to do would not last.

    It Didn't.

 

I did not tell you this, - I could not tell you this.

    Maybe I should have.  

 

I didn't even try to kiss you, the brief moments I held your hand it was like a power, a charge I had never felt before. If only I told you how much 'I Love You'.

 

    But I didn't.

 

There is a kind of love that for some may come just once in a lifetime, it is higher and more honorable than normal romantic love, a pure and perfect love that lasts beyond time. For the very fortunate this is a love that unfolds into a destiny I can only describe as "Euphoric Bliss" and "an Eternal Love". Regrettably such a love is rare, and if let slip away, no matter of time or distance any chance of happiness is lost.

 

Meeting you was like a dream, unfortunately a dream that never eventuated. If I had told you how I felt about you, the following years would have been different. Tears of sorrow would have been replaced by tears of joy and love. The pain of knowing I had found and lost such beauty was driving me crazy, my doctor told me that over time I would start to feel better.

 

I Didn't.

 

Years passed, but that didn't heal the pain, maybe distance would help.

 

It Didn't.

 

Even 12,000 miles away in Australia I still found myself spending long lonely nights laying alone and crying, imagining how it could have been if we were together. In my mind I would live a life that never was, thinking of you and how much I wished that we were together.

If only I had told you how much I loved you, but I was always lost for words when I looked into your eyes, heard your voice, and seen your smile.

 

Many times I thought of reaching out and trying to find you again, not knowing if you had re married, or were seeing anyone. Then after 21 years of being in Australia, on April 14th, 2006, the 30th anniversary of our meeting, I placed an add in the Argus, trying to locate you, the overwhelming joy I had when I got an E-mail from you, you were still single, never having re married, and the night you rang me I was ecstatic, I asked you if you had ever thought of getting married again, you must have known what was on my mind, as you said, "If you’re asking what I think you are, the answer is yes!"  I was indeed asking you if you would marry me, and then when I actually returned to Wales and stood and seen you again, my feelings for you were as strong as ever. 

 

It turned out that all those years ago, our feelings for each other were the same. But the timing was just wrong.

 

We got engaged, but never got quite as far as the alter or marriage celebrant.

Our main pastime together was our music, you told me that Even from an early age, music and the guitar were your passion, going to Lewis girls grammar school, you soon had a group of other girls that you were teaching to play the guitar, at times you told me you would practice so long and hard, the fingers of your left hand would start to bleed from sliding along the strings.

Back when we met you sang and played guitar in a local band, something you done for several years, and then went solo, giving great performances in clubs around the valleys, your voice able to instill great feeling and depth to everything you sang. 

 

Due to an unfortunate injury, performing in clubs came to an end, but you kept up your talent of singing and playing both the guitar and keyboard for personal pleasure, recording at home, both your own songs and singing material by other artists.

 

We wrote and recorded many songs together, starting with songs that were about us, how we had met, and then found each other again, and we would have gone on to write many more had the situation been different. 

 

While the lyrics and arrangement we could work on together, unfortunately I could not sing, or play an instrument myself, it was your voice and skill on the keyboard that was fantastic, giving our songs great depth and meaning. 

 

While you were trying to teach me to sing a little, it was a hard job. I had  very little confidence in myself, and did not believe I could do it, but you kept telling me that I could. You encouraged me, and on occasion I was able to keep in tune, another year or so and maybe I would have been able to sing a full song with you, and not sound like a wailing alley cat.

 

It was not just in this area you gave me confidence, with a smile and soft words you made me feel like I could do anything.

 

Regrettably, we only had a short few years together before cancer tore us apart and you were taken from me.

 

I was supposed to be able to take care of you angel, if only I had tried harder to get you to go to the doctor more often, I know you never wanted to go, but I should have tried harder to get you to go, and then they would have detected something sooner, soon enough to do something before you became too weak to take any treatment. I am so sorry Angel, I failed you in such a way.

 

Even if I was to live a million years, I know that I will never feel the same about any one else. Your eyes and smile radiated such a warmth and beauty that they came to etch themself into my mind and very being so deep that they, like my love for you, will last for eternity and beyond.

 

R.I.P. My Darling Lynne.

 

 

 

 

I Love you Lynne

 

Meine Liebe ewig